sometimes i feel lost.

sometimes i feel lost for the right words to say. how i feel. what i want. what i need. sometimes i let people walk all over me. i feel lost about things that i do, or how i can change. why cant i stand up for myself, and how come when i finally do so, no one listens to what i have to say. i am tired of repeating questions, comments or how i need help around here. i wish someone would listen and really listen. but i dont have that, i never will. so here i am writing down everything i wish i had the guts to say.

i really want my mom to stop being so negative and selfish. its always all about her and she never wants to hear about anyone elses problems, excitment, or joy. if shes not getting her last word in, no one is.

i wish my sisters had more time for me, since i had addison yes they wanna see us but not the way it use to be. i also wish ashley was around more.

i want my husband to be to help out more around the house, i am not octo-mom. i dont have 8 hands to do everything i need to get done throughout the whole day.

i wish i could work and make good money and not have to put addison in daycare or away from me. i wish she could be by my side all day and could play with her and do everything about the house and make money for it.

i want my energy back, i wanna be more fun for addison but i am so tired all the time.

i want to be pretty and skinny. i miss my old body and looks. i feel like i have become that stereotypical mother, and let myself go. i just dont have the time to fix the way i look.

i want my friends to not be so selfish. dont get me wrong its not all of them but theres a few, i want them around and understand that i am also a mom now.

but theres one thing i dont wanna change and thats addison. shes the only thing that gets me going everyday. i know she needs to be on top of my game and be there for her.

at least someone needs me, otherwise i'd be lost.