Ruby Taylor

It was just a normal friday afternoon, my baby girl was napping upstairs so i took the moments that i had and just logged on to my email, looked at a few websites and then logged into facebook. i was looking at all the recent updates from friends to see what was going on. a good friend of my future husband shared a link for "bows for ruby" i logged onto and realized it was a sharing page of a woman who was making bows in order to help raise money for a family whose little baby girl whom had liver failure. little did i know until i logged into ani taylor's blog to learn that this little 7 month old baby had lost her battle and passed away that day.

i bought a bow today in her honor and to help that family. cause you wonder, if this happened to me, who would help me?

i cant think about what exactly they are going through. addison is only 4 months old herself. could it happen to her? sure it could. anything could happen. this is my greatest fear.

i always thought yeah i could get pregnant, have my baby and my little family. i never knew of my chances of having a miscarriage and my views on life could possibly change. since i had my miscarriage before addison her whole pregnancy i was scared of having another. when i got past the risks of miscarriage and entered into my 16 week, all i could think about is her becoming a stillborn, as weeks went by i constantly googled my chances of this horrible fear of happening.

all i wanted was for her to be here in my arms, safe and sound. that day finally came. here i was holding the most wonderful gift i could ever have, a perfectly healthy baby girl.

now here it is, another fear. what are my chances something might happen to her? sure she is healthy, i think but what if something is happening inside of her and i have no clue? how will i know? when will i know? what if she is absolutely fine?

then i think about jesses brother, he was so young when he was killed. what if?

i looked at addison everyday into her beautiful blue eyes and i talk with her until she smiles and laughs at me. i hold her in my arms and make sure she barely cries. but what if i cant always protect her.

i cried most of saturday morning thinking of the taylor family and what emotions they were going through. they just lost their precious baby girl, devastation i am sure, but then you have to think about their other daughter and remain strong for her as well.

i wish i could be there tuesday, i know they dont know me but they have sure impacted me. i wish i could let them know how much so.

i bought a bow today, in honor of precious ruby taylor.